This happened after I posted my blog post last week, and rather than take it down and post this one to make it timely, I decided to wait a week and see what sort of clarity that brought to the situation.
On May 23, 2014, there was a shooting near the UCSB campus in California. Elliot Rodger was identified as the shooter, and he killed his three roommates, two young women in a sorority, and a bystander before taking his own life. Thirteen other people were also injured. Prior to his killing spree, he posted a Manifesto and YouTube video explaining that he was doing this because he had been shunned by women. Because he did not feel he had gotten the attention he deserved, as a male, from women his age. How he hated other men for getting that attention.
Evidently, there was a cry of support for Rodger's actions on some social media sites, some even stating that more young women needed to die because feminism was destroying society. In response, Twitter started trending #YesAllWomen, essentially an outcry against rape culture and victim blaming. This hashtag trended for at least 4 days, and has sparked plenty of discussion since. If you haven't read any of the tweets yet, I encourage you to stop and do so now.
As a young woman, I've experienced this rape culture myself. During my first year of medical school, I went to a bar with some girlfriends. It was crowded, and we easily got separated. A guy came up to me and asked if I wanted to dance. I turned him down, and went to seek out my friends. He came up to me about 5 minutes later asking if I was here with someone. I gestured to my friends and moved away. Still a third time, when I was dancing, he came up and started dancing with me. My friends quickly moved me to the inside of our dance circle. Thankfully, that was the end of it.
A friend and I were walking to a bar with her boyfriend. We had to walk through a less than desirable part of town. Down the block, on the opposite side of the street, a lone man was standing, watching us. We continued on our path and actively had to block my friend's boyfriend from crossing the street near the man: he had not noticed the man standing there.
In my town, we get an e-mail whenever there is a report of violence near the University campus or involving University students. Nine times out of ten, probably more, the victim is female. For instance: "The victim was walking [after dark] when an unidentified male approached her from behind, putting an arm around her neck and fondling her breast and genitalia with the other hand." "The victim reported she was sexually assaulted after being forced into the bathroom of the apartment where she was attending a party."
Young girls are taught to never go out alone, to always order their own drinks and not leave them unattended, to dress conservatively so as to not draw attention to themselves. We're taught to use the line 'I have a boyfriend,' or give out a fake number when we're not interested in a guy, because 'no' isn't good enough. It's the reason I'm not okay with going out by myself at night, but my male friends don't think twice about it. It's the reason my dad gave me pepper spray when I was in high school.
How prevalent rape is in our society is debatable, because many believe that it is grossly underreported. However, the CDC cites that roughly 1 in 5 women report being sexually assaulted sometime in their life. In a surprising statistic that I will expound more on at a later time, over 50% of the time, the perpetrator is an intimate partner. Men are not victimless either, as 1 in 71 men also report being sexually assaulted during their lifetime.
The lesson? A girl is not 'asking for it' by wearing a low-cut or high riding dress. She's not asking for it by having a bit too much to drink. She has the right to walk down the street, day or night, without getting catcalls or being fondled, or worse, raped. We need to have real punishments for those who violate the personal boundaries of others. We need to empower those who are victims and allow them to tell their stories without feeling shame. Men and women alike need to take these lessons to heart, as women can be just as bad as the men in perpetuating the victim-blaming.
Most social media campaigns do little to change the status quo, but I have a feeling that the popularity and insight this one has produced will change something, even if it's just getting a few men more interested in the lives of their female friends and family members.
This is not about blaming men. This is about getting the good ones to help us fight back enough that women don't need to feel this way anymore.
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